75 minutes Bruno Fernandes has been very quiet tonight and for the first time in living memory he seems to lack confidence. I wouldn't be surprised if he takes off.

74th minute: Twente substitution This is Van Bergen's last touch; he is replaced by Sayfallah Ltaief.

73 minutes Van Bergen cuts in from the left and sends a fairly simple cross too wide, leaving Van Rooij with plenty of space at the far post. That was a chance.

72 minutes That goal put United out of action, who were looking as confident as they could be after trailing 1-0. Now Twente are full of joy and pushing for the win.

71 minutes Rots plays a great through ball to Regeer (I think), but he can't handle the pass easily and is tackled by Mazraoui. A cleaner touch would have put him on goal.

FC Twente equalized out of nowhere. The intrepid right-back Van Rooij burst through the midfield, leaving three or four players behind him and covering 55 metres. Ugarte made a very good tackle but then Eriksen hesitated and was robbed on the blind side by Lammers. He galloped into the box, glanced at Onana and fired the ball past him at the near post.

GOAL! Man Utd – FC Twente 1-1 (68th Lammers)

67th minute: Substitution for ManU Alejandro Garnacho, who could breathe life into a Brian Eno song, replaces Amad.

66 minutes “If this blog is the result of machine learning based on the findings of a certain Rob Smyth,” says Matt Dony, “then I would have expected at least a reference to The Sopranos.”

With all due respect, you have no idea what it's like to liveblog football. Every decision you make affects every aspect of every other damn thing. It's almost too much to handle. And in the end, you're completely alone with it all.

64 minutes Ugarte runs too far in the box but then knocks over a defender and wins a corner. He played a decent game and his style is a bit reminiscent of Remi Moses. Now United just need Kobbie Mainoo to become Bryan Robson.

62 minutes Reds gives Bruno Fernandes a good reason to go down by ramming his studs into his Achilles tendon. It looked painful and he really should have been given a yellow card.

61 minutes Zirkzee and Dalot, who has spent most of the evening in central midfield, combine cleverly and find Rashford on the left side of the box. He attempts a direct shot in front of goal, which is well blocked by Van Rooij.

61st min.: Double substitution at Twente Daan Rots and Mathias Kjolo surprisingly replace Sem Steijn and Michel Vlap.

60 minutes When the corner hits Fernandes, the Twente fans claim handball. No one on the field seems to care much. Eventually it leads to another corner, which the retreating Hilgers heads over the goal at the far post. An unpleasant chance.

59 minutes The resulting free kick lands 23 yards from goal, left of centre. Steijn fires a good low shot into the far corner that deflects off the diving Onana. I think it would have hit the post anyway, but he couldn't take any chances.

58 minutes Martinez knocks down a poor guy in the white shirt and rightly gets a yellow card.

57 minutes With not much happening on the field, this is a good time to reveal that this live blog is being written by artificial intelligence in a groundbreaking experiment.

The Guardian has developed an exclusive blog bot called “Mr. Bloggy” that has been fed every report written by Rob Smyth every minute since 2004. And this is the result.

55 minutes 1-0 can be a dangerous lead, almost as dangerous as 2-0, but at the moment United are in control and are keeping Twente at bay.

53 minutes Amad eludes Salah-Eddine, who recovers and intervenes desperately and decisively in the penalty area. The resulting corner bounces well to Maguire, who turns and hits the bouncing ball from eight meters straight at Unnerstall. Good chance.

51 minutes A decent little spell for Twente. Maguire heads away Vlap's cross, but United lose possession and Twente pick up where they left off.

48 minutes A clever touch from Zirkzee brings in Dalot, who tries to run through the entire defence before running out of space on the edge of the box. Zirkzee's combination play can be really great.

46 minutes And now they're gone. No replacement, not one.

“Please reject the hint of sterile dominance,” says Jason Jawando. “I've had many successful nights on the town after indulging in a bit of sterile dominance because I ran out of brood.”

That's funny. And I'm even more ashamed when I admit that I can't read it without the voice in my head screaming, “Yeah, but that doesn't work because if it was an aftershave, it would be a proper noun, so the S and the D would be capitalized like the B in Brut. You're welcome.”

I have to live with this every day.

“Erik ten Hag treats objects like women,” says Gerry Scott, and if you haven't seen The Big Lebowski, you might be wondering what the hell he's talking about.

In the meantime, he and I may be wondering what the hell you have been doing for the last 26 years of your life.

“I just noticed Erik ten Hag scribbling a note on a piece of paper in the rain with a four-color ballpoint pen,” says Aran Scutcher. “He looks like he's about to run out of the house to go to the supermarket. This is a multi-billion dollar business, ETH is being paid for in millions, and it's 2024. Surely there's a better way to record his tactical observations?”

Do we know they are tactical observations? I assumed he was doing some kind of Jackie Treehorn doodles for entertainment.

Halftime: Man Utd 1:0 FC Twente

44 minutes Steijn wins a corner for Twente, which leads to another as Rashford puts the ball behind him. The second corner goes to Hilgers at the far post. He heads the ball down and United clear. You don't get the coaches for set pieces these days.

42 minutes Twente's attacking power waned as the half progressed, but they still tried to make an impact. They weren't lacking in confidence, just a little bit of Roy Keane's favourite word.

40 minutes After a patient, well-executed move from United, Mazraoui's low cross is too close to Unnerstall.

39 minutes “I'm sorry, but this is a Jack conspiracy of the highest order,” thunders Matt Dony. “Cardiff may be damp, but Swansea? Swansea is on a whole different level meteorologically. Constantly grey and drizzly and gloomy. Amazingly. Big Weather has a lot to answer for.”

Big Weather? I'm sure I heard them earlier on 6 Music.

37 minutes The goal was the first shot on goal by a United player. They didn't play badly, I must say, but their performance was a little reminiscent of our old friend, sterile dominance.

Bruno Fernandes shot a pass into the box for Dalotwho couldn't quite control the ball while running and was tackled by Hilgers. The ball ran free to Eriksen, 13 meters to the left of the center, and he shot it straight into the top corner. A beautiful goal.